A Second Rule of Engagement – About Choices and Decisions

Rules of engagement have to do with what your energy is available for and what it is not available for. They are about what you are willing to engage your energy in. Have you given thought to a foundational rule of engagement that you have for your private and work life?  You probably have one that overlights the choices and decisions that you make.

You may have awareness of your worldview and recognize that this is the lens through which you view your world and all that happens in it. Currently in the USA there is a worldview called Democrat and another called Republican, and a few others such as Constitutionalist or Libertarian. This worldview affects your choices and decisions because it filters for you the information coming in to you to consider.  It is not, however, your conscious choice of your rules of engagement of where you will engage your energy and where you will not engage your energy. It is helpful to bring your rules of engagement into your awareness, otherwise they are operating outside of your awareness. When you bring your rules of engagement into your awareness, you can sift through them to sort out which ones are useful for your well being and what guides you in leading a fulfilling life.

I want to share an example of a rule of engagement that I have that affects how I make my choices and decisions. It is super useful to me and actually makes it easier to make choices and decisions. This foundational rule of engagement is ‘my energy is available for whatever is life nurturing. My energy is not available for whatever is life depleting’. I realize that I am the one to make a decision on whether something is life nurturing or life depleting, and yet this is a much easier filtering system that making a choice about what is ‘good’ or ‘best’ in the moment.

If this particular rule of engagement appeals to you, I encourage you to give it a try for yourself. And then pay attention to how much easier your choices and decisions are made by you. Okay, let me summarize this:

  1. I choose a rule of engagement that my energy can be available for whatever is life nurturing and my energy is not available for whatever is life depleting.
  2. As I make my choices and decisions, I am guided by this rule of engagement.
  3. I pay attention to whether making choices and decisions flows more easily for me with this rule of engagement overlighting my choices.

Would you like your choice and decision making to flow more easily for you? Have you found this tip helpful?

One Rule of Engagement–The Three Times and You are Out Rule

We all have personal rules for engagement with other people. We may be consciously aware of those rules, we may make them explicit, or they may be unconsciously conducted and definitely implicit instead of explicit.

I made a point some years ago of studying my personal rules for engagement, making choices about the ones I wanted to keep for a fulfilling life, and making conscious aware choices of new rules I wanted to add for my well being.

I wanted to share one of those with you as an example. My example might be a rule of engagement that suits you as well. First, it is important to acknowledge for yourself that it is up to you about what your personal energy is available for and what it is not available for. It is from this basic understanding that you develop your personal rules for engagement with others.

One of mine is that I am unwilling for my energy to be available to people who don’t keep their word, and my energy is available for people who do keep their word. One key root cause of conflict everywhere is people saying one thing, and then doing a totally different thing. As my husband says, “don’t pay so much attention to what other people are saying as their truth…watch their feet”.  In other words, pay attention to whether their actions align with their words.

If someone breaks a promise to me once, I speak up and say so, letting the person know that my energy is not available if promises are not kept. The person is likely to apologize and I accept the apology. We all have goof ups in regard to promises.

It is at this point that I start paying attention to my ‘Three Times and You Are Out’ rule. I am willing to keep my energy engaged for up to three times of the same person breaking a promise. Each time, I draw this situation to the awareness of the person, accept whatever apology is given, and get to agreement that this will not be the pattern in the future. I make it clear that my energy is not available to be entangled with people who don’t keep their word. Yes, in the moment, the apologies are heart felt and I get that. And then, I ‘watch their feet’, paying attention to how this unfolds in the future.

At the third time, should it happen, I don’t make a fuss, I don’t initiate a conversation. I simply acknowledge to myself that my energy is not available for this. I accept that it is my responsibility, and not the responsibility of any other person, to make my decisions of how my energy is to be used.  This Rule for Engagement and my follow through with it keeps my energy available for working and living from the best of my personal potential.

What tips do you have for managing your energy when you are faced with people who say one thing and do another? What tips do you have to keep your own promises?

Leading Life and Business from a Sense of Deep Integrity

This morning, like most mornings, I went for a short drive to the local forest  to do my walking meditation. There is something about what is now becoming common in ‘forest bathing’ this revives me. I take a question into my walking meditation, with the anticipation that I will come out of the experience with clarity. Often the question is about some aspect of leading my life and our business. I am committed to leadership in which my mind, heart, and action are in alignment. My forest and walking meditation help me to stay on track.

As I started walking, phrase popped in that repeated itself with every step for some time. ‘Change your story, change your life’ caught my attention.  I know this phrase as an important wisdom teaching. Yet, noticing how it popped up in the meditation brought this phrase into a central part of my awareness.  I accepted it as guidance in response to my question.

I got into my car and a song came on the radio with the words ‘don’t worry baby, everything is going to be alright’. I turned the radio off so that I could absorb this wisdom. I accepted it as guidance in response to my question.

These may or may not be direct messages to me from Spirit. They may simply be neutral happenings. And yet, because I believe that Spirit is all that is, responding with conscious energy to a query, I choose to accept these as messages and not neutral at all. Is this spiritual guides at work and play? Is it my angels? I don’t know. I do know that I can ask for guidance, be open to messages, and then make choices based on where my noticing has taken me. It is up to me to interpret the messages. From the interpretation in the moment, in relation to the query I had, I can make choices of how to think and act in relation to the challenge before me.

How do I know if the choice feels right?

I feel some excitement, sometimes a lot of excitement.

I do a quick check in with myself about whether my mind and heart feel aligned with my choices. I then align my actions so that I maintain my integrity of mind, heart and actions in alignment. I am then ready to engage in leadership of my life and business from a sense of deep integrity.

Are you aware of messages that you get, little nudges of information and  insights? Do you choose to act on them? And if so, why?